As I sit here typing on my 9 year old son’s SpongeBob keyboard, I reflect.
I reflect on it all; all of the anger.
For every angry person, there is a playbook of excuses as to why the anger was caused in the first place, and those reasons are always undeniably justifiable. (Unless you were drunk, in that case you’re SOL, son.)
Of course they are, shithead.
Anger
Ahhhh, good ol’ fucking anger!
You angry, brah!?!
You’ve come to the right place.
Let’s decompress.
Have a drink or 10. Blow a line or two.
Be yourself, let’s get into those angry thoughts with your favorite certified psycho, Dr. Steez.
You know what I like to say about anger?
“It’s quick; it’s temporary.”
I like that about anger.
For me, it’s short, it’s sweet.
Sour is probably the better word choice there, but I digress.
“Where does your anger come from?”
The question the good ol’ Calmies love to so curiously ask.
Why Steve, why?
Why the anger, why the reaction?
I guess I feel like I’m always getting caught up in my self created hamster wheel of what could be vs. what is.
Sure, “the man” has his own hamster wheel designed for the less fortunate and vulnerable, but I seem to have created my own hamster wheel of sorts.
An improved version of the one “the man” has drawn up for us to be good little boys, girls, and of course, any of the other 4,624 pronouns that said boys and girls get to choose from.
At Skateboarding Saves, we’re inclusive.
Moving on.
The Problem
The main problem for me dealing with anger is the constant ongoing struggle of wanting to be a humanitarian in a world full of humans vs. trying to contribute to my family (making money) and building up Skateboarding Saves to its full potential (fulfillment).
I always seem to have the pieces, but not the blueprint (but I think I’m getting close).
I get angry that causes like Skater Claus slip through the cracks because…
Well, I don’t really know why.
These problems make my own problems a lot worse.
I miss Mark (Skater Claus) in an angry way because I know his legacy is still not filled.
And it needs to be.
I’m mad because I know I’m good (hell, great) at my craft, but I’ve learned the corporate ladder and how it leads to being overpaid and underfulfilled.
Those that can relate to me, most of the time, are those that want to go against the grain and play outside the politically correct sandbox because they know that most of life is just smoke and mirrors, bread and circuses.
The pain of such a reality infuriates us angry folk.
I think we, the Angries, just know more truth than most.
And Truth Hurts (Go Birds).
My best advice for the Calmies is…
“Long term mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, paranoia and negative outlook will kill you quicker than anger ever can.”
I’m not saying that emotions are interchangeable like substituting Johnny for Bobby between plays.
I’m saying evaluate yourself like I am doing right now.
I got away from writing; I also need writing to heal.
Unfortunately & Fortunately
Unfortunately, I need the writing to heal and grow, but…
I don’t have the time!
It’s too hard to dig deep!
I slayed these demons already!
It’s too hard to feel love and share love in a sick world!
In these moments of self pity, my mind begins to bend and cave.
I know what my soul needs, but I’m stuck in a trap created by soul snatchers feeding off louche.
My mind speeds up, I lose control of it, and then I lose it.
And I have to admit, when you get me there, I can‘t control the anger.
But what I can do is control my actions.
Fortunately for you and everyone around me, that is exactly what I am working on.
Instead of punching a door, go punch a fucking pillow.
Instead of letting anger build up, go work out, go skate, take a fucking walk, go write an article, go cook, grow that garden you’ve been talking about, take a timelapse, take photos of the trashy terrain of Norristown.
These are all things that will help you.
These things calm you.
I know this, and you know this.
I guess I and you are the same person here.
Or are they (creepy laugh).
More, and most importantly, you can help others with this shit, man!
And that’s what I want to do.
So what’s the solution?
The Solution
I’m a sucker for a good acronym.
ABC → Always Be Creating
I see myself as a creator.
I dream of myself being a visionary.
I have focused on Skateboarding Saves for five years now and I don’t intend on stopping.
It’s the greatest source of untamed creativity and it gives me a voice instead of a face.
I will never be just another face in the crowd, that makes me angry, and we’re trying to get away from all that.
I will continue to lean on those around me that motivate and influence me.
There are so many.
The whole Skateboarding Saves group.
Those in Skateboarding for the right reasons.
Graf artists, cooks/chefs, artists, musicians, gamers, photographers, videographers, athletes, nerds, weirdos and so on…
Generally, any of those that use their forum for good and carry the torch of fulfillment.
I want to embrace all of that creativity around me.
Dealing with these deep emotions/traumas is extremely difficult, but with creativity, I will deal with all of them.
Much like CZARFACE, I will create personas and have stories within stories.
Dr. Steez, the Angries and the Calmies can be the beginning of my journey through conquering anger and much more of the mental baggage that I carry.
In Conclusion
Anger isn’t necessarily about the inability to be calm.
For me, it has to do with a sensory overload effect, but with my emotions.
So, it just has to do with the inability to control my emotions.
They come too fast (that’s what she said) and are hard to process.
The thing that I realize now, being older, is that I don’t have to carry the anger, I have to release it.
But release it through what feeds my soul.
Most of us don’t even realize how much anger, resentment and negativity that we carry with us on the daily.
Getcha mind right!
I hope this dive into my mind helps you.
I hope you feel a little less crazy in a world of chaos.
I hope it’s perspective for those that don’t get people with anger issues.
Regardless, I will grow as a human from writing this.
Maybe you can grow from reading it.
As always…
Peace and LOVE,
Steve
